I'm sorry I didn't go to your wedding.

I'm sorry that my job at the time was so low-paying that I couldn't afford to save up to travel to your destination wedding and reserve a room at the hotel where your other bridesmaids were staying. I'm sorry I asked if you knew someone who would let me crash on their couch.

I'm sorry I went ahead and planned a book tour either right before or right after you invited me to be in your wedding party and travel for your destination wedding.

I'm sorry I prioritized my career over your special day.

I'm sorry I said I couldn't take that kind of time off work, even though I took two weeks off for my East coast book tour and wound up quitting that job shortly after returning from tour.

I'm sorry you made me a bridesmaid. I'm sorry I disappointed you. I'm sorry my not coming to your wedding changed our friendship forever. We talked about it and worked it out when you were ready to. You got colder and I resumed my self fracturing. I made gestures in the depths of my alcoholic sabotage but it wasn't enough and I wasn't getting anything right anyhow.

I'm sorry for taking your friendship for granted.

I have no idea what you're up to, even though I follow you on social media. Aside from the invisible bindings that tie us together in years-old photo tags and deleted memories of our online lives, we are not connected.

I'm sorry for muting you on social media. I feel salty when I see you presumably living your best life. I wish I could share your joy with you and sometimes post a congratulatory comment on your Instagram. Recently I decided to mute you. You don't need my support. You probably don't care about what I'm up to. I doubt you notice when I stop interacting with your content.

I'm sorry I'm dead to you.